In the midst of any trial in life, it's hard to imagine how it could possibly work out for our good. How could these set of circumstances have anything good come out of it, let alone teach me or prepare me for something greater? Satan is filling your head with lies, condemnation, shame, blame, shots at your self worth, and questions your salvation. It's a constant battle to keep your head a float, especially if you are a thinker like me. My mom would call me an over-thinker, which has it's advantages, but also it's disadvantages. Over-thinkers have a great need to understand why something is happening and to plan out what to do to fix it. Unfortunately, Satan knows some of our idiosyncrasies: I know he does mine. He eventually gets me to over-think so much- that he tries to convince me that I should give up or give in to whatever thoughts are coming into my head about a situation.
Understanding is at the core of every human's belief system. We need to understand why we are here, what our purpose is, why things happen in a certain way, and what is the most reasonable way to gain this understanding. Believing in Jesus is not about understanding on our terms, it's on His terms. Our stories are all unique and evolving in belief and faith. Our journey starts with a decision, but it doesn't mean we understand it all immediately. It sometimes takes years for us to truly understand our life's calling for Jesus and I definitely fall into that category.
I was a "church kid" from birth. My parents were God-fearing people who knew the importance of setting me on a path to knowing Him. I was christened as an infant by Uncle in the Methodist Church. We were at church all during the week, plus on the weekend. To say we were involved, well, that was an understatement. In sixth grade, I went through a confirmation class to learn more about Jesus and the Methodist Church. At the end of my sixth grade year, the obvious choice was to join the church and confirm my original baptism. I didn't really understand what it all meant, just that I wanted to be a part of the tradition and legacy of my family in Christ. I knew it was the right choice. I spent my teenage years in youth group, on mission trips, retreats, and in Bible Study. I grew up believing in Him, but never really knowing how to have a relationship with Him. I always had a desire to know Him and understand Him more on a deeper level but never really knowing how. Now, there are very few times in my life that I haven't been in church, but it wasn't until I was an adult that I realized the absolute need I have for Him. Now, I chose to be baptized by immersion as an adult almost five years ago, but always in my heart I felt that one was for the wrong reasons, that my heart truly wasn't set on Him. Then a little over three years ago, I decided through my new members class at a church, I was ready to recommit for the right reasons. The expectations of baptism, recommitting to what I already knew, for me wasn't about me having a divine revelation in that moment, but making a commitment to a deeper relationship with Him. My story is convoluted, imperfect, and Satan wants me to believe that I have to have some life-altering story to be a true Christ follower like I was once a drug-dealer and a near-death experience brought me to Jesus. From a young age, I believed in Jesus and what He did on that Cross. I didn't grasp the depth of knowing that God on such personal level to much later, I'm still grappling with it. There's no way to understand what He did, it just is. The truth is it is my story, God knew it and I don't need to understand it, just know that He knows me. He knows that I am slow to warm and it took me a little longer than most to get what He has planned for me. And guess what-I'm still a work in progress.
Those lies based in the need for earthly understanding will tear you away from the obvious hand God has in your life, whether you are a believer or not. Think on all the illnesses you have overcome, the places He has taken you, the joys and pains of this life. My story is far from perfect- yours doesn't have to be either because there is a Perfect God who doesn't care so much about the details, but about YOU.
"He has made EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet, no one can fathom what God has done from the beginning to end." -Ecc 3:11
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